an intimacy framework

Core dimensions of connection

Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about connection and ways to develop intimacy. These are my current thoughts about all the different types of intimacies and connections. You could make these could be with other people or a relation with yourself.

I’m very interested in understanding what kind of connections and intimacy I currently have day-to-day and then seeing where I can grow and help new connections flourish.

My working hypothesis is that there’s so many ways to connect and that sometimes we can limit ourselves. Here’s a framework that I’m currently using that I developed to map my current intimacies and understand the gaps helping me chart of path forward of growth.

---

🫀Foundation Layer: Essential Connection

These form the basic building blocks of trust and connection

1. Emotional Intimacy

• Beginnings: expressing feelings, communicating needs, talking about hard things, sharing history, hopes, worries and joys.

• Activities: journal and share, tarot, practice attunement, asking questions, exploring private thoughts dreams and traumas together, appreciations.

• Green light: 11 deep talks

2. Communication Intimacy

• Beginnings: open, healthy, feel-good comms.

• Activities: active listening, responding to bids, no stonewalling or ghosting.

• Green light: 11 bids responded to positively each

3. Physical Intimacy

• Beginnings: spending time in space, experiencing each others' spaces, affectionate touch, energetic touch, sensual touch, handshakes.

• Activities: work side-by-side, eat meals, be around each other, bathe/groom, eye gazing, sharing silence.

• Green light: 11 days together

🧠 Growth Layer: Shared Development

These types foster mutual growth and learning

4. Intellectual Intimacy

• Beginnings: share thoughts and opinions, create safe space for that.

• Activities: Discuss books or films, discuss politics or religion, discuss art, debate theories, learn languages, ask for feedback on an idea.

• Green light: have 11 discussions

5. Creative Intimacy

• Beginnings: plan and create things, imagine future together, write poetry, find ways to grow, bucket lists.

• Activities: Set creative goals together, make songs, karaoke, paintings.

• Green light: write 111 songs

6. Cultural Intimacy

• Beginnings: sharing cultural backgrounds, traditions, and values.

• Activities: cooking traditional foods together, sharing language, celebrating cultural festivals, exploring each other's heritage, sharing family stories.

• Green light: 11 cultural exchanges

🌟 Experience Layer: Shared Moments

These types create memorable shared experiences

7. Recreational Intimacy

• Beginnings: spending time on hobbies, sharing time outside of work.

• Activities: hiking, yoga, biking, motobiking, walking, running, gardening, reading, playing music, building stuff, exploring.

• Green light: 11 activities done

8. Experiential Intimacy

• Beginnings: engaging in activities together, doing things.

• Activities: trying something new, cooking together, new restaurants, dressing up, going on a trip, calling.

• Green light: one of each

9. Aesthetic Intimacy

• Beginnings: sharing what you think is beautiful and why, albums, art, film, nature, everyday life.

• Activities: Go see art together, experience beauty in nature, watch films and plays, see music together, sunrises, go to museums.

• Green light: 11 aesthetic experiences done

🏠 Practical Layer: Life Integration

These types handle the practical aspects of deep connection

10. Work/Domestic Intimacy

• Beginnings: work together, buying home, starting family.

• Activities: giving feedback, asking for feedback, sharing chores.

• Green light: one completed project

11. Financial Intimacy

• Beginnings: opening up about money values, financial goals and fears.

• Activities: budget planning, discussing resources, sharing financial dreams, being transparent about means, making joint decisions.

• Green light: 11 money conversations

12. Environmental Intimacy

• Beginnings: sharing and creating spaces together, discussing environmental values.

• Activities: co-creating living spaces, respecting boundaries, sharing territories, building shared environments, discussing impact on planet.

• Green light: 11 space-sharing experiences

💫 Digital Layer: Modern Connection

These types address contemporary ways of connecting

13. Digital Intimacy

• Beginnings: establishing online connection norms, creating virtual shared spaces.

• Activities: meaningful video calls, online game nights, sharing digital art/playlists, virtual movie watching, maintaining connection through tech.

• Green light: 11 meaningful digital exchanges

🙏 Spiritual Layer: Deep Connection

These types focus on deeper meaning and purpose

14. Spiritual Intimacy

• Beginnings: sharing energetic resources, talking about spirituality.

• Activities: meditate together, watch sunsets, visit spiritual or sacred places, volunteer together, read spiritual texts, do rituals, stretching.

• Green light: 11 experiences

15. Commitment Intimacy

• Beginnings: intimacy, passion and commitment, everyday choice to be together.

• Activities: being seen as connected to different audiences.

• Green light: established commitment

⚡ Challenge Layer: Growing Through Difficulty

These types strengthen bonds through challenges

16. Conflict Intimacy

• Beginnings: starting to face differences and manage them.

• Activities: discussing life values, understanding different approaches, disagreeing in a good way.

• Green light: have three conflicts that bring you closer

17. Crisis Intimacy

• Beginnings: going through intense times together and crisis together.

• Activities: holding space for each other, comforting each other, big and small crisis experiences.

• Green light: done 1

💝 Expression Layer

This type focuses on physical expression of intimacy (when appropriate for the relationship type)

18. Sexual Intimacy

• Beginnings: communicating needs, sharing fantasies, cuddling, hugging, massages, likes, holding hands, expressing desire, kissing.

• Activities: being naked, masturbating together, 4 types of touch, erotic ideas, watching porn together.

• Green light: 11 moments

19. Nourishment Intimacy

• Beginnings: talking about or explore what feels nourishing, sharing recipes, literature, places, states of being, cultivating

• Activities: cooking together, cooking something special for the other person, make a reservation at a restaurant, tend to a garden as project, grow own crops and spices

• Green light: 11 nourishing moments

Now that I’m drawing this out - maybe the foundation should be the biggest layer and go smaller as you go up?

Implementation Guidelines

Progressive Development

1. Start with Foundation Layer

2. Build through Growth Layer

3. Expand into Experience Layer

4. Integrate Practical Layer

5. Add Digital Layer as needed

6. Explore Spiritual Layer when ready

7. Navigate Challenge Layer as it arises

8. Include Physical Expression Layer when appropriate

Relationship-Specific Adaptation

Different relationships will emphasize different layers:

• Romantic: May engage with all layers

• Friendship: Focus on Foundation, Growth, Experience layers

• Professional: Emphasize Foundation, Growth, Practical layers

• Family: Strong in Foundation, Cultural, Practical layers

• Community: Concentrate on Experience, Cultural, Spiritual layers